Excellent parenting advice...Parents also have choices on how to handle difficult situations (purple)

Guide to Giving Consequences That Teach:

1. Watch intent. Intention is important because the intention you have will influence the language and tone you use when you deliver the consequence. If your intent is to punish, that will be evident in your child. If your intent is to teach, you will be softer and more empathetic when delivering the consequence. Empathy calms the brain, removes the threat, and allows a child to take responsibility for this own behavior.


2. Let natural consequences happen where appropriate. Often we try to either rescue our child from the natural consequences of her actions OR we compound it by adding additional punishments on top of it. Let's say your child left her toy in the driveway and it got ran over. Rescuing would be buying her a new toy immediately. Adding additional punishment would be grounding her for leaving it outside. The natural consequence, however, is simply that now her toy is broken. That's a pretty good teacher.

3. Imposed consequences should be related to the incident. If your child hits his brother, then taking away his video games for a period of time doesn't teach him what he should do when he gets angry or when he hurts his brother. A related (or logical) consequence would be to have him think of a way to repair the relationship with his brother (write him a note, make him a card, etc) and to talk about ways of handling his frustration or anger so that he has tools to keep him from hitting (deep breaths, walking away, clapping).

4. Look for solutions. Problem-solving is a great way to teach children how to be accountable and responsible. The more involved they are in the process, the more they learn.Teach children the process of righting wrongs and repairing rifts in relationships. These are important life skills.

5. Restore and reconnect. Make sure your child's self-worth is restored and she understands that mistakes are opportunities to learn and that a bad decision doesn't mean she's a bad child. Reconnect through empathy and love and moving forward in good spirits, leaving the mistake in the past.

Rebecca Eanes, is the founder of positive-parents.org and creator of Positive Parenting: Toddlers and Beyond. She is the author of 2 books, The Newbie's Guide to Positive Parenting and a co-authored book, Positive Parenting in Action: The How-To Guide to Putting Positive Parenting Principles in Action in Early Childhood, both of which are best-sellers in their categories on Amazon. She is the grateful mother to 2 boys